Some things never change
by ElmoVsBibo
Summary: Just after Boxed In. The whole team was invited to Ziva's dinner. All except Tony. But rage an self-doubt are not the only things Tony has to fight. Slash/Tibbs Hurt!Tony, later Sick!Tony
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Another Boxed In story. ^ ^ But that's at the begining, soon the story will take a little twist. ****But of course not without the hurt! and sick!Tony;D  
And a big thank you to my beta _lauradaexplorer! *hugs*_**

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They had all been there. All, except me.

No, not quite true. They had not all been there, because even though he knew what Ziva had made for dinner and claimed that it tasted good, I knew that our team leader Leroy Jethro Gibbs had not been there. I knew this because Gibbs, and I had spent the last night together at home. We watched some movies and later Jethro had worked on his boat, while I watched him.

But why was he claiming that he had been present at Ziva's dinner? Wasn't it bad enough that everyone was invited but me? It was important to me, what the other members of the team thought about me. It was important, that they liked me. Jethro knew that. For the first time in my life I had found a real family and I didn't want to disappoint them. But apparently I had done that, because why else should Ziva not have invited me? The only question that rattled around in my hed was; what I had done? I can't think of anything. I don't know if I had done something. The boss and I being in a relationship can't be the reason. Because no one, except Abby and Ducky, knew about it. But otherwise I had behaved as normal. But perhaps that was exactly the problem. I knew that I was sometimes quite annoying, and I behaved like a five year old. The pranks against McGee, the verbal exchanges with Ziva, throwing paper balls at my colleagues while working and playing Tetris on my phone.

But all that was just me. I wanted to toughen McGee up a little, so he learned not to take everything so personally. And also because he was like a little brother. And thats what big brothers do. They are annoying. That is their job. And the word exchanges with Ziva. I always thought she also had fun. Apparently I was mistaken. As for the other things. Yeah, I get bored quickly. But none of those things had ever stopped me doing my job. I would never do any of this, if I had more important things to actually do. A had little bit of professionalism after all.

I don't understand any of this. Why were all the others invited and not me? Wait a minute. Jethro had been invited as well? He knew what Ziva had made for dinner. Which did not necessarily mean anything, because by now I knew it as well. After all, they had told me about it the whole day. Thats what really hurts. I would never admit it out loud. It was bad enough that they had all been invited. I mean, even Jimmy, the autopsie-gremmlin, but to rub under my nose and to tell me how great the food was and how much fun they had ....

Above all, I had never expected that from Abby. Abby, my best friend, my little sister. I had always talked with her, about everything, she and Gibbs were the only ones I told aboud my past. She knew that I never had a real family life, and that I looked at the team as family. She had even agreed with me on that point.

"This is good, Tony, we are your family and we will always be there for you." She had said.

Yeah, I could see that. A really great family! But Jethro was the person I was really disappointed in. He knew that they had hurt me, and instead of putting a stop to it, or being on my side, he had to pretend as if he had been at the dinner too. His statement had surprised me and for a moment, my mask slipped and my true feelings showed on my face. And Gibbs had seen it and immediately regretted his statement. In his eyes sparkled the apology, but I ignored it. Instead, I concentrated to get my mask on again.

The others had noticed nothing, because they were too busy to go through the highlights of the evening again and laugh about how much fun they had.....

I took a couple of deep breaths - I hoped unnoticeably. The numbness in my shoulder left slowly. Great, not only that my head is hurting unpleasantly now, but my shoulder ached too. The others thought I just caught a splinter in the shootout , because that was what I had told Ziva. Why? No idea. Yeah, sometimes I overreact a bit, if I had a paper cut, but if it was something worse, then I played it down. I don't even know why I did that, maybe it was because I had taken care of myself most of my life. Maybe I just hated to be pitied. But yes, I probably just didn't want my friends to worry about me. The truth was that I had caught more than just a splinter. A through and through. There were no muscles injured or anything, but it wouldn't be long until it hurt like hell.

But at the moment I didn't care.

The chattering had come to end. Gibbs had brought the whole conversation to an end after he had placed himself at his desk. Maybe he had a guilty conscience, maybe he just wanted to hear no more about it. I had no idea and I didn't care about that at the moment either. Now they were all busy writing their reports. For me, progress was slow. I wasn't particularly good anyway when it came to typing on the computer. Sure, I was getting better, but I was - apart from Gibbs - still the slowest. Now I had only one arm available. The whole situation was only getting worse and not for the first time that evening I just wanted to leave. Simply get out, get fresh air and be alone.

This time the urge was just too great. So I got up and had just rounded my desk as Gibbs cleared his throat, "Going somewhere, DiNozzo? I can't see your report on my desk" He sounded angry. He was angry, but a look in his eyes told me that the anger wasn't directed at me. He was probably angry at himself, but as I said, I didn't care.

"I just have to hit the head, boss." I said, trying to make my voice sound as calm as possible. I myself was a little surprised how well I managed it. Gibbs features were immediately softer and he nodded shortly. As if I would need his permission. As fast as I could, I made my way towards the men's room. Probably it was because of exhaustion, but since I had gotten up from my desk, I felt a little dizzy. Now I had another problem. Actually I had planned to go outside to take a breath after a day in a container and especially because I wanted to be alone. Okay, so I was alone now, but in the men's room. Gibbs would never have allowed me to go outside and because of my little lie I didn't have my keys, my wallet my badge or my jacket. And outside it was anything but warm.

But I didn't have to use the toilet. A little freshening up, however, was perhaps not a bad idea. So I walked to the sink, collected some water in my free hand and splashed it in my face. It would have been better if I could use both of my hands. Anyway, today I just took anything I could get. A look in the mirror, however, told me that I should probably just lie down here and now on the floor and end the day. I looked at least as tired as I felt. I was too pale and I had dark circles under the eyes. I looked like I had not slept for at least three days. I had to get out in any case, whether Gibbs allowed it or not.

Anyway, I didn't care what Gibbs had to say. And so I just went out.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: WOW!!! Thanks for all the great reviews! I don't know what to say.......except Thanks ^^ I hope you really like the next chapter;D Have fun!!!;-)  
And again a big thank you to _lauradaexplorer_ for beta reading!! **

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He had no idea when he last was so angry with himself. How could he be so stupid? If Gibbs had been alone in the office, he would have given himself a head slap. He would have deserved it. Almost 45 minutes had passed since he came back to the office, after he had gotten himself a new coffee. Gibbs had heard Ziva, McGee and Abby talk about how the previous evening had been. They had laughed as they told Tony every detail. Then, without even a second thought, Gibbs had interfered and claimed the food would have been delicious.

He was an total idiot, he had not even been there! Of course, Ziva had invited him and told him what she wanted to cook. But after he had heard throughout the day, as McGee and Palmer had talked repeatedly with each other or with Ziva about her invitation and Tony didn't say a word about it, he had decided against it. Abby had also mentioned it to Gibbs and Ducky had been pleased that Ziva had invited him, too. But everyone seemed to just talk about it when DiNozzo wasn't anywhere near. With some, like Abby and Ducky, he was sure it was a coincidence with the others however, Gibbs was not so sure. Jethro was, however, sure that McGee and Palmer hadn't meant any harm and that secretly, no one really wanted to hurt Tony. Nevertheless, it had almost broke Gibbs heart when he had seen the pain in Tony's eyes, after his statement.

It was this expression on his face, Jethro didn't get to see often. It was the expression that Tony's face had, when he talked about his past. Not only the little pieces that he let slip when his colleagues were near. No, Tony got this special expression when he talked about the real secrets of his family and his childhood. Those which had brought him the most pain.

And to see it in the office, caused by him, while McGee was sitting right beside him and smiled.....

How could he be so stupid!?

He had hurt the man who meant more to him than anything else. And he knew that none of his apologetic gestures, could save him this time. In this one moment, that single second in which Tony had lost his mask and revealed his true feelings, Gibbs was able to recognize how much he had hurt the man he loved.

Yes, he loved Anthony DiNozzo, his senior field agent. And thats the reason why he should have known better, he had had to bring the conversation to an end much sooner. Above all, it was the reason that Tony deserved an apology.

Yes, he would apologize to Tony. That was probably the only thing to do and right thing to do. Also before he could change his mind, he had better do it right away. The only problem was, Tony wasn't sitting at his desk. Yeah, he had said that he wanted to hit the head, but that was twenty minutes ago. He hadn't left the building. His jacket was still hanging over his chair and his keys were lying on his desk. With a jolt Gibbs stood up and walked, with big steps, towards the men's room. McGee and Ziva had flinched a little when Gibbs suddenly stormed off, but he didn't care at this moment. To be honest, they deserved much more than this little scare.

At the door Gibbs stopped again and took a deep breath. The day had been one hell of a nightmare. Tony and Ziva have been gone for hours and they had not had a single trail, no indication where the two could have been. Then they finally figured out that the two were stuck in a container somewhere, stored at the port. Only the "where" no one could answer. Next, Tony's brilliant idea to put the money as a trail. DiNozzo had called him and told him he should follow the trail of money. Gibbs couldn't describe how happy and relieved he was to hear Tony's voice. Finally they had found them, but the next shock followed immediately. Tony had been hit by a bullet. Fortunately, it was a through and through and no artery or muscles were injured. Anyay he was more than happy that the day ended and he could go home with Tony.

Gibbs took another deep breath before he finally opened the door. He had expected that Tony was standing in front of the mirror, bent over the sink, splashing water in his face. But nothing. The room was completely empty. Gibbs went in, to search the booths. But nothing. Tony was not there anymore. Perhaps he had gone to Abby's lab, but Gibbs' gut told him that wasn't the case. DiNozzo was a man who couldn't forgive easily, but after what just happened....

Abby and he himself had probably hurt Tony the most. They were the people whom he trusted most and they had simply thrown it away. There was another person Tony trusted. Ducky. The M.E was also the only one who had not trampled on his feelings. It was therefore most likely that Tony was down with him in autopsy. Without thinking about it, Gibbs pulled his phone from his jacket and pressed the speed dial button. He didn't have to wait long. After the third ring he heard a familiar voice.

"Autopsy" Dr. Donald Mallard answered.

"Duck, it's me" Gibbs said. "Tony with you?"

"Anthony?" the pathologist asked surprised. "No, he's not with me, and he should not be in the office. He was shot, Jethro. He should be home and resting."

Ducky was right. After they had patched him up in the emergency room, Gibbs had wanted to take Tony home, too, but the young half Italian, had once again managed to convince him that he was fine and that one or two hours at the office wouldn't harm him. Moreover, they were able to write their reports and close the case once and for all. Gibbs, who was more than happy, to finally close the case, had agreed despite knowing better, and here he was now. Alone in the men's room and no idea where his injured lover was.

lauradaexplorer

Today, 7:24am Without another word Gibbs snapped his phone shut and stormed back into the bullpen. He had hoped, that Tony would came back by now, but he was nowhere to be seen. Abby stood in front of McGee's desk. And she was nervous. She shifted her weight from one leg to the other and apparently she didn't know what to do with her hands.

"Abbs, what are you doing here?" He asked briskly, as he stood behind her. Startled, the young Goth turned around.

"Gibbs! I wanted to call Tony, but he's not picking up. So I'm here. But Tony isn't and then Tim told me that he has been gone for twenty minutes. That seemed a little long for a trip to the men's room, so we've just looked at the security tapes of the last twenty minutes. Tim thought it was a bad idea. He said that Tony is only having a little sulk, because he wasn't invited to Ziva's dinner. But I feel so guilty, Gibbs. I saw the look on his face, when you told him how delicious the food was, while you were actually not even there ... Anyway, I'm totally sorry, I think we really....... "

"Abs!" Gibbs interrupted her rambling. He knew what he had done. She didn't have to tell him again. "The tapes? Tony isn't in the men's room. "

"I know. He left the buildings 15 minutes ago."

"Oh dear, and as I can see he has not even taken his jacket."

Gibbs had heard that Ducky had joined them and was therefore the only one not to flinch as he spoke.

"We should find him quickly. In this weather, you can quickly catch pneumonia and Anthony's lungs are weakened by the infection with the pneumonic plague, which makes him even more vulnerable. And it isn't helpful for his gunshot wound either."

"What gunshot wound?" McGee asked suddenly, before anyone else could say anything. "I thought he just caught himself a splinter?"

"Well, think again, McGee," Gibbs said as he turned around, grabbed Tony's jacket and then disappeared in the direction of the stairs.

Normally, he would take the elevator, but at the moment, it was not fast enough. He had to find Tony and he had to find him fast. Gibbs would never forgive himself if something would happen to his lover. Especially feeling the certainty that it would be his fault.

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Actually I had planned to take a walk in order to clear my head and perhaps bring a little bit of sense in this whole situation. But I hadn't gone very far. The trip from the stairs of the third floor down to the lobby of headquarters had cost me all my remaining energy. I shouldn't be very surprised about that. The adrenaline that had flowed through my veins all day, was now gone and the effects of the pain meds had worn off too. I had made it to the door of the building. I turned left, in hope I might get to the park. But after only ten steps, I had given up and settled on the wall in front of NCIS headquarters.

I had no idea how much time had passed, but so far my little excursion hadn't brought me anything yet. I just don't know, why the others excluded me. What made it worse was that they seemed proud of it. What had I done that they treated me like that?

Ziva, yeah. I might have been able to find a reason. She wasn't working with us for so long and maybe she just don't like me. But the others? Until now I had always thought that they liked me. Especially Abby. She was my best friend. My little sister. I had told her almost about my whole life. And I knew a lot about her. I thought we had a special relationship.

That Ziva had invited them to her dinner, wasn't so bad, I could live with that. But the fact that they knew that I was the only one who was not invited and that they enjoyed to constantly remind me.......

And Gibbs. Leroy Jethro Gibbs, the man whom I had fallen in love with when I first saw him in Baltimore. The man with whom I spent almost every night during the last few years. I would do anything for him without a second thought.

Damn, he had confessed his love. He didn't say it often and he doesn't have to. He was, like me, not a guy who expressed his feelings openly. But he showed that he loved me all the time, especially when we were at home. His way of talking to me, his gestures, his expressions. I could always read it in his eyes.

And I loved him too, I had always and probably always will. I trusted him with my life and my love. He knew everything about me. And that's the reason why his words had hurt so much. The two people whom I trusted most, had shown today that I should reconsider my decision. Perhaps they were not as trustworthy as I thought. McGee and Ziva were not much better.

In fact, Ducky had been the only one missing. And Palmer of course. On any other day I would have sworn that Ducky would have been on my side. But after what happened tonight, I wasn't so sure anymore. He wouldn't be the only one who had disappointed me in this way.

But I had to remain fair. Ducky hadn't been there, he had done anything.

A breeze suddenly hit me and I knew at that moment that I was no longer alone. Jethro. It smelled of sawdust and gunpowder. I would recognize it anywhere. However, I didn't show that I had noticed him. I just stared straight ahead and waited to see what he would do next. I didn't have to wait long. Because only a few seconds later something was wrapped around my shoulders. My jacket. And only now I realized I was shaking. I was cold, which really wasn't surprising at these low temperatures.

"We should go inside, Tony. It's icy out here" Jethro suddenly said, as if reading my thoughts. I sometimes really thought that he did. Often he just looked at me and I don't know if he could see it in my eyes or if he simply was a mind reader. But he always knew what I was thinking. When I was sad, he always found the right words to cheer me up again. And I loved it because it gave me the confidence that I was important to him and that he would always be there for me.

But not today.

"I think I would rather go home," I said, still avoiding his gaze.

"Okay," he replied softly, "I'll get the car."

"No," I had no idea why I suddenly sounded so harsh, but the idea of sleeping at his side tonight, was somehow scary. "I think I'm sleeping at my apartment."

I could feel Jethro's eyes on me, but I continued to suppress the urge to look at him.

"Okay, then we drive to your apartment." I finally looked over at him. Gibbs' expression was soft. Lovingly, full of concern and apologetically. But at the moment, I couldn't bring myself to react in any way. But I noticed that it doesn't matter to me at the moment. I was hurting and tired and that physically and mentally. I just wanted to lie down and sleep the next two weeks.

"I want to be alone, Gibbs." I tried to stand, to reaffirm my statement, but everything around me suddenly began to spin and my legs slowly gave out under my weight. But before anything could happen, two strong hands grabbed me and helped lower me down I closed my eyes for a few seconds and when I opened them again the world had stopped spinning and Jethro knelt in front of me.

"I can't let you go, Tony," he said, "You can't even stand, let alone walk up the stairs to your apartment. I'll get the car and then we go home. "

He was right. I knew he was right. But still I didn't like the idea. But I had no choice. If I wanted to be alone, I would have to spend the night here on the wall. But then I would most likely freeze to death.

Thanks, but no thanks.

So I nodded in agreement. Gibbs smiled briefly before he got up and made his way to the garage.

I had no idea what I should do. I wanted to be alone. I had to be alone. I had to think about some things. Even though I was sure that I couldn't do it tonight. My shoulder ached now painfully an my headache was getting worse. I had problems concentrating on anything but the pain. Besides, the cold seemed to be slowly but surely set in my bones. I just wanted to go home and curl up in my bed.

No, actually I wanted to lie down in our bed. I wanted Jethro to lay down beside me, I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and warm me, and that he took care of me.

But I couldn't trust him with this task tonight. Tonight I would be alone.

TBC

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**A/N: I unfortunately can't always post so quickly;-) But I will try not to take too long^^ **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm so sorry it took me so long. I've got sick.....again. But now I'm back from hospital and won't go away anymore;D Also I've brought a new chap!!!!;-D I now have an beta reader!! Thanks again to _lauradaexplorer_! And _of course_ thank you _all_ for the greaaaat reviews!!!!**  
**And now.....have fun;-D**

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The ride home went completely silently. It took Jethro only a few minutes to fetch the car and help me into the passenger seat.

Gibbs drove more cautiously than usual and I was leaning my forehead against the window. Neither of us said a word. The coolness of the window felt good, because although I was cold, my skin felt hot. I knew that I had a fever and could only hope that it was just a consequence of the stress of the day. Becoming sick was the last thing I needed now.

With Gibbs behind the wheel, the ride home normally only took fifteen minutes. But because he drove like a normal person today, it took us almost twice that long. When we finally arrived, I found I was willing to spend - despite the uncomfortable position - the night in the car. I was sure that I couldn't move far, but I was also sure that Jethro wouldn't let me sleep in the car. I had to get out, into the house and then to bed. Whether I wanted to or not. I had just opened the passenger door when Jethro was at my side. I hadn't

even noticed that he had already got out of the car. He gently grabbed my arm and helped ease me out. I needed his help for a few

seconds, until the dizziness ebbed away to a tolerable level. Then I pulled my arm back from his grip and went on my way to our ...... to his house.

We always called it our house. It was our home.

Why I didn't look at it that way today? I don't know. Perhaps because I felt betrayed. The man, whom I trusted the most, had hurt me

today. The people with whom I worked, my friends, whom I entrusted with my life everyday at work, they had shown me this evening that I was not one of them. Actually, I should be familiar with this. It wasn't different in my childhood. At that time I also learned to hide my feelings behind a smile. But today I wasn't able to for a few seconds. I knew that the pain was visible in my eyes. Not because I was out of practice, or had decided to show others my true feelings. And not, because everything was so surprising. That's the way it usually was. No. It happened because the pain was caused by people whom I trusted more than anyone else in my whole life.

Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have trusted them from the beginning. When I met Jethro, it took only one glimpse in those blue eyes and I was desperately in love. I had never thought that it would be possible. Love at first sight. Whenever anyone had told me about it, I laughed and declared them an idiot.

And then it happened to me.

But that does not mean that I trusted him immediately. Gaining my trust had been a hard fight for Jeth and also for Abby and Ducky. They fought hard for it. I always thought that it would be important to them. That I would be important to them and I had finally found a real family. Perhaps I was mistaken. But on the other hand, it wasn't the first time. Never before had they betrayed my trust. We all had had a hard day, maybe I was just an easy target at which they could let out their frustration.

Far too many "maybes". I didn't know what to think. The roller coaster in my head just didn't want to stand still and I wasn't able to think clearly. Nevertheless, I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I hadn't even noticed that Jethro had helped me into the house and up the stairs. We now faced the first door on the upper floor. The bedroom. And Jeth wanted to help me in. I had to use all the enrgy that was left, to defend myself against his firm grip. He looked at me with a mixture of anxiety and confusion.

"I would rather sleep in the guest room today," I finally said. I cursed my voice, because it sounded so uncertain.

I knew that this was not what I wanted. I wanted to stay in the bedroom. I wanted Jethro to lie down beside me and wrap his arms around me. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. And I wanted this to be our house, our home. Yet tonight, I would sleep in the guest room.

I had to do it. I had no idea where this feeling came from, but I was literally afraid to spend the night with Jethro. Every fiber of my body screamed at me to take his hand and drag him with me into the bedroom. But there was another part of me that just dominated, the part that was a little boy who was afraid of doing something wrong. He wanted to be alone, so that nobody could hurt him anymore.

"Tony..."

I interrupted him before he could say more. No matter what it was, I didn't want to hear it at the moment. I knew, if I would let him talk now, the whole thing would end up in a long discussion.

"I'll sleep in the guest room." I said again. This time my voice sounded more secure and apparently Jethro noticed it too and continued helping me to the next door.

The guest bedroom was not particularly big. In the middle, on the right wall of the room stood a large bed of beech wood and beside a matching bedside table. On the other side stood a small wardrobe and with that the room was already full.

"I'm downstairs." Gibbs said, suddenly "If you need anything, just shout."

I just nodded in reply. What could I say?

Slowly Jethro went on his way out. I could feel his gaze once again bored into my back, before he quietly closed the door behind him. I waited until I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore. Only then did I let myself slowly fall to the bed. I knew that I should take off my clothes, but I didn't get farther than the jacket. I was too tired. The only thing I could do was to lie down and close my eyes. I still felt cold, but I no longer had the strength to pull the blanket under me to cover myself.

It took only seconds before I fell asleep.

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Half an hour ago Gibbs had gone into the basement, with the intention to work a little on his boat. But for exactly half an hour he just stood in front of his it. He hadn't done anything. He couldn't, not with his concern for Tony whirling around his head.

Gibbs had never seen the younger man this....hurt? desperate? And he was responsible.

Of course this wasn't the first time Gibbs and Tony had fought, Jethro hadn't even hurt him the first time. After all, the second b in his name,stands for bastard. But this time it was something else. This time he had really screwed up.

"Damn! Leroy Jethro Gibbs, you're a total idiot! "

Gibbs knew that his comment had contributed only indirectly to this situation. The problem was not that what he had said. This was only the tip of the iceberg. The problem was what he hadn't said. He had known about the dinner. He had known that Tony wasn't invited. And only Tony. The day before, he had only had to open his mouth to tell DiNozzo, that Ziva had invited him to come over. The two would have talked about it and Tony would have had time to prepare himself for the day.

Gibbs couldn't understand why Ziva hadn't invited Tony, anyway. He thought the two would get along well. And DiNozzo had thought that, too.

He had to talk to Ziva and ask her what she has been thinking.

What had he been thinking? Yeah, right, he had thought he would protect Tony from something that would come out anyway.

It was faster than he would have liked.

He desperately needed to talk to Tony. They had to do it soon. Anthony DiNozzo had a habit of plunging himself into work, when he had a lot in his mind. Or do something else that was stupid or which was not very healthy.

And in his present condition it could perhaps even be fatal.

It hadn't escaped Gibbs earlier that Tony was, despite the cold, much too warm. He hoped that it was only a consequence of a more than stressful day, but his gut told him something else. Slowly, Gibbs went upstairs. He wanted to see if Tony needed anything before he too went to bed. He wouldn't get much sleep tonight anyway. He worried to much about his younger lover.

Upstairs he slowly opened the door to the guest bedroom. Tony lay on his back, fully clothed and slept soundly. Before he went in, Gibbs turned around again and went into their bedroom to get the blanket from the bed. He had others, but this blanket was still the warmest. As quietly as he could, Gibbs went in to the guest room. Before he covered Tony, he took off his shoes and socks and stroked a lock of hair from his forehead.

He watched Tony a few minutes, before he went back into their bedroom and lay down in their empty and cold bed.

The concern about his partner was not the only reason why he couldn't sleep. Without Tony by his side, he always had problems falling asleep. The warmth, the feeling of security. All that was missing when he was alone in the big bed.

Tomorrow morning he needed to talk to Tony. They had a lot to clear up. He had a lot to repair.

And Gibbs was ready to do everything he could to regain Tony's trust again.

TBC

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A/N Hope you liked it!? I will hurry, but the next chapter will take a few days;-) Hope to see you then *hug*


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: thank you all soooo much for the reviews. As any writer, they make me very, very happy;D So, I hope you have fun with the next chapter.**  
**I don't know when I can post the next one. Because, I'm about to move out from home and into another city. But I hope, that I can post the next chapter before that happens next week!!!! **  
**But for now.....thanks to _lauradaexplorer_ for beta reading!!........and now......have fun;D**

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When I woke up the next morning, I couldn't remember the last time that I slept so badly.

When I first woke up - in the middle of the night - I noticed, that someone had covered me up. Jethro. A few hours ago I would have been greatful for that, but now my body felt like it was on fire. So I pulled the blanket off and closed my eyes.

It wasn't long before I fell asleep again and when I woke up the next time I was freezing. My teeth were chattering and my whole body was trembling. My hands were shaking so much that I needed two attempts at grabbing the blanket to cover me again. This went on for the rest of the night.

Now I was on my way downstairs to the kitchen, it was more difficult than it should have been. Perhaps it was because I felt cold, even though I was sweating profusely. My shoulder throbbed almost unbearably, and the wound burned a little around the stitches. On top of the gunshot would my head felt as if it had swollen to twice its size and my stomach was rebelling. The latter was not a particularly bad thing, since because of my sore throat I could hardly swallow a thing anyway.

I had already changed my clothes and now wore gray jogging pants and my blue Ohio State T-shirt. It was already 10:00 and I was glad, that Jethro was at the office. It meant I had at least a few hours to myself. I couldn't simply avoid him today, I had to talk to him. On the one hand, I was quite happy about it, because I hated to fight with Jethro because it meant that I couldn't sit in the basement and watch him while he worked, with deft fingers, on his boat. I hated it when I couldn't talk to him an watch him, while he looked at the floor so I couldn't see his beautiful smile. I hated not being able to feel how he lay in bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I hated not being able to feel his heartbeat, while my head rested on his chest. I had spent only one night without him and already missed his hand when it softly slid over my arm. Or the little kisses he pressed in my neck. But, despite everything, I would like to have the conversation on another day.

I had a lot of time to think about the last few days. Ziva definitely had her reasons not to invite me. Sure I acted like usual, so I acted like a childish, narcissistic idiot who can't do his job properly. But maybe this was the problem. Most people didn't know what I really could do and underestimated me. My skills had saved my life several times. But with my colleagues they didn't help much.

I probably wouldn't have invited me either. Also since I was usually the one who picks on everyone, I shouldn't be surprised about the payback now.

And so my choice was made. I had to stop acting like an idiot and show the others that I too took my job seriously.

But this idea has been pushed to a back corner of my mind when I arrived in the kitchen and noticed that it was not as empty as I thought. In the middle of the kitchen against the counter, stood Jethro, who had just made a sandwich "I heard that you had woken up and thought I would make breakfast," he said, and gave me one of his beautiful smiles.

But I couldn't respond to that, because I was far to surprised that he was home "What are you doing here? Why aren't you at the office?"

"I had a few days leave left,"was all he responded, before he took the plate that he had and brought it to the dining room next door. I stared after him for a few seconds before I followed him and sat down at the table. Gibbs let himself down on the chair opposite me and looked at me intently "You okay? You look a little pale."

"I'm fine," I lied, trying not to inhale the scent of the sandwiches too much, because I had the fear I would throw up otherwise. Jethro had made my favorite sandwich, but in my current condition I would have probably vomited at the smell of pizza.

I didn't understand the situation. A few minutes ago I was sure that Jethro was mad at me, because I acted like a five year old last night. But he never took a day off, particularly when he was mad at me. He would have driven in extra early. But instead he was now sitting here with me at the table and had even made me breakfast. This does not exactly looked like an angry lover.

I knew that Gibbs felt guilty, but never thought it was this bad.

"Hey, you can eat it, you know," he suddenly said and only now I realized that I had been staring at my sandwich the whole time. When the smell hit me I pushed the plate away "I'm not hungry."

Jethro looked at me momentarily worried, but said nothing. Instead I spoke shortly after "I think we should talk."

But to my suprise, Gibbs shook his head. I tried to read something in his eyes. Because even if his expression was neutral, you could often see what he really thought in his eyes. But I could see nothing except sadness and that confused me even more.

"I should talk, and you should just listen," he answered, which surprised me again. It was widely known that Leroy Jethro Gibbs was not a big talker.

"I'm sorry, Tony."

I knew that I just stared at him like a complete idiot, but I didn't care. I could have laughed. For the first time since I met the man, I heard him apologize. He apologized. To me.

At the same time I could have started to cry, because I didn't have a tape to capture this unique moment "I thought apologizing is a sign of weakness?", I finally said.

Jethro only smiled sadly "Not in a situation like this", he said, "I screwed up really badly this time and I hurt you. That was never my intention."

So it was not his intention. Yet he had done and that brought me to my main question "Why? When it wasn't your intention, why did you do it? You knew that I didn't think it was very funny and that the approval of my colleagues is impotant to me!"

Jethro rubbed a hand over his face "I don't know."

I laughed without humor. I was tired, I was cold, and every single bone and muscle in my body seemed to ache. In short, I was annoyed "You don't know. Well, then everything's ok," I said bitterly "DiNozzo was just an easy target and the others had so much fun rubbing it in his face that everyone but him was invited to Ziva's dinner, why not you too!?" I would have liked to jump up and storm out of the room. But I feared that I would simply fall over and that was the last thing I needed. I didn't know why I was this mad. I thought I had calmed down overnight. But as I sat here now in the dining room and talked to Jethro, all the emotions from last night came to the surface.

But I wasn't the only one who was mad. Gibbs had his hands clenched into fists so tightly that his knuckles were white. I couldn't see his face because he had bowed his head to the table. He tried to calm himself and control his breathing. But in the next moment the outbreak came. Even if I was ready for it, I still flinched as Jethro suddenly jumped up and tipped his chair over. He came around the table and went into a crouch in front of me after I turned in his direction.

"Tony. ..," he said, stressing each word, while he looked me straight in the eye. I could see that he meant it sincerely. But before I could say something, he went on already. "I do not know why I did it. You and Ziva, you were gone all day. There was scarcely a trace, no one had seen or heard anything from you or about that damn container."

Gibbs took a deep breath an put his hands on my knees. I didn't know why, but his touch felt more than good.

"Ducky, Abby and McGee were constantly asking if we will find you and you know what? I could'nt answer them." Jethro sounded very sad and I suddenly felt the urge to take him in my arms. But I suppressed it. Firstly because I knew that a hug was not what Jethro needed now. And secondly, he wasn't finished.

"I can't tell you how relieved I was to hear your voice on the phone. And then we had finally found you, but you were injured." He brushed again with a hand over his face before he put it back on my knee.

"When you sat all together in the office, laughing....I don't know what has prompted me suddenly. I think I just had to drain the pressure that had been built throughout the day. But it was never my intention, and anything but fair, to use you for it. I love you, Tony, and I'm sorry!"

I couldn't suppress a smile any longer. In my whole life I had never received such a beautiful and above all honest apology "Now you apologized for the second time and I have no tape."

Jethro gave a short laugh and it was like music to my ears. I loved his laugh and just couldn't hear often it enough. But the next second he was again serious "I mean it."

"I know," I said "but I should apologize to you too. I acted like a child an...." I couldn't say more because Jethro laid a finger on my lips, shaking his head "No, you had every right in the world, to react like you did, ok?"

I didn't know what to respond and just nodded. I saw the whole thing a little differently, but had no desire, and above all, no power now to discuss it with him.

Gibbs smiled briefly before he patted my knee and got up. His knee cracked and I laughed as he muttered "Damn, I'm getting to old for that."

I fell silent again, as Jethro leaned down to me and pressed his soft lips on mine. I had closed my eyes already, as two seconds later it was over already. When I now opened, I looked directly into Gibbs' anxious eyes. He had a hand on my shoulder, while he laid the other on my forehead. "Tony, you're quite warm."

I rolled my eyes "Oh, it's nothing. I'm fine," I said. But since I didn't even try to remove his hand from my forehead, Gibbs also knew that I was lying. Normally I would have tried to, but Jethro's cool hand on my too warm skin just felt too good. I couldn't help myself and leaned my head a little further into the touch.

And that was apparently all what Gibbs needed "Ok, that's enough,", he said "You go back to bed an I'll call Ducky."

"Jeth, I'm fine!", I sighed.

Gibbs took a deep breath. I knew that he was just worried and he was slowly losing patience with me. It was not the first time we had been in this situation "You're not fine. You were shot yesterday and have been sitting outside in the cold for about half an hour. Without a jacket!" And before I could respond, he took my hand, pulled me to my feet and dragged me upstairs. I was too tired to defend myself.

When we arrived in our bedroom, I went willingly to bed, which seemed to worry Gibbs even more. But right now I couldn't bring myself to keep my mask on. I was already aware that I had a cold, but I was also sure that this was not the reason why I was so exhausted at the moment.

Meanwhile Jethro had taken the thermometer taken from his bedside table. It was one of those newfangled things that you just stuck in your ear.

Gibbs had bought it shortly after I had the plague, and it has since kept in the top drawer of his bedside table. As a precaution, he said. But I knew it was for his reassurance. The doctors had frightened him when they told him that the plague had scarred my lungs and therefore I had to be careful. Even a cold could be dangerous for me.

A little exaggerated, as I found, but Jethro took it very seriously even today. "101" Gibbs said, suddenly "I'm calling Ducky."

Before I could say anything, he had the phone alredy to his ear. Anyway, I had no intention of argueing with him about it. I also wanted to know what was wrong with me. The throbbing and burning in my shoulder just gotten worse in the last hour.

I had a bad feeling about it. But I had to wait till Ducky came over. So I closed my eyes and just a few seconds later I was asleep.

**TBC**

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**A/N: I hope you liked it!? See ya next chap;D**


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